to gabi – always

You gotta come to Toledo,
the walls will hold you if I can’t.
Come and meet me in Toledo,
walk along to Sacramento
see the shutters wave at us,
their acknowledgement is life
– pieces we have left behind.
Climb the hill to Pozo Amargo,
cut across the Catedral,
let’s go to… but they’re not there
– we’ll visit them anyway.
You gotta come to Toledo,
burn old wood by old San Juan,
walk down to the Cava’s place,
see the Tajo running by
taking the foam and the past
all the way to Portugal.
You gotta come to Toledo,
walk through the Door of the Sun,
touch the white stone in the street
and feel the time flowing freely
there, in the palm of your hand.
You gotta come to Toledo,
sit and sip in Zocodover
waiting for the sundown red
by the red door of the plaza.
Come to Toledo my love,
rescue me – I never left

This was written on 2014, while I was working in Picton, Ontario, away from my wife, who is truly my home. I have since retouched it a bit, but I didn’t want to change too much, because I feel I should preserve its original energy.

The discarded oak leaves shone
as autumn’s fruits in the evergreen bush.
The rain pointed the way home and we followed,
I, on one end of the leash, and Bobo on the other.
Sometimes I led, sometimes I didn’t – but I was never the master.

The morning sun was sleeping in beneath an army throw.
The falling drops struck the pools that sprouted in the street
as a drunk drummer’s fingers rattling the parchment of a drum,
marking a stuttering rhythm of ungainly progress
for Bobo and I, walking back home under the pouring rain.

Victoria, November 1st of 2010

It’s about what you do, but also what you don’t.
It’s about what you touch, what you smell, what you linger on.
It’s about what you refrain from thinking,
About the nooks and crannies you avoid at home
(The new geography of your home,
filled with countries conquered by the absence,
now inaccessible to you).

It’s about the unwanted small freedoms you inherited from the pain:
Not taking him out when you wake up in the middle of the night,
Leaving the door of the basement open
without the fear of him falling down the stairs,
Leaving the door of the bedroom open – for the same reason,
Leaving the gate open without having him wonder out into the street,
Not cooking for him,
Not cleaning after him,
Not locking the living-room to protect the carpet,
Not having to mind his habit of finding himself tangled between your legs
–  or right behind you as you turn,
Not bringing up an extra breakfast every morning,
Not picking him up to go upstairs
on shutting the house for the night.
Such freedoms, I can do without

Most of all it is about the absence
His ubiquitous absence
A thick quicksand of an absence
A pervasive, invasive, all permeating absence
With an ineffable throat I cannot choke
An absence that leaves a bottomless hole
That I nevertheless try to fill
So I remember, I look at pictures and seek his presence,
Just out of the corner of my eye
As the hole gets bigger